Moshope's Blog

Avoid Lagos Men (Part 2)

My weekend was beautiful. Folarin made sure of that, we spent the entire weekend texting each other, calling each other, it was a beautiful weekend in general and the estrogen level in my body had skyrocketed.

Here’s the thing about speaking to someone frequently, the conversations are steady and constant, you get swept up in the moment, sometimes you forget to speak about important things because the conversation is going so well and when you think back, you would realise most of the conversations weren’t deep to say the least and this was my plight.We spoke about many things, which I later realised were mostly surface conversations.

The d-day came, and I called in sick at work. Never has there been a time when I have been so intentional with every detail about my looks. But then, today was different, this man was different. He would probably propose today and I would sing Duduke in honour of our children to come😂. Life would be beautiful and exciting from today.He came to pick me up by 12. I don’t think I explained enough how dashing this man looks.Yoruba men, at least the good looking ones, have looks that makes you create excuses to justify their wickedness and ignore the necessary red flags.
Hello….you look beautiful, he said with a smile on his face while opening the door for me.

You don’t look bad yourself. I said with an embarrassing blush on my face.

We should go to Ocean’s Basket, I heard the sea food there is nice. I said.

As you wish, my Chairman. He said with a sly look on his face.

He already gave me a nickname, that is a big sign😭 this union is made in heaven.

As we drove to Ocean’s basket, the sensible part of me couldn’t stop thinking about how seamless all this happened. It was too perfect and I have stayed long enough in Lagos to know it is never this perfect unless it is fake.

We finally got there, we ate, we talked. This man had still not made a move which was really shocking because he was flirty throughout the weekend.

After the lunch, as we got in the car, I decided to make a move since if this mountain won’t willingly come to me, I would go to it. The tension in the car was so choking that even Asa’s beautiful voice playing in the background couldn’t restore normalcy in the car.

I want to kiss you but I don’t know if you would let me, he blurted out.

Is this man joking, kiss that I have been waiting for?😭

Who said you couldn’t? I said.

His kisses were gentle at the beginning. His tongue felt warm as it slid into my mouth.

As he lifted me to straddle him, he got more possessive. The kissing got intense, one of his hands slid underneath my dress while the other was working it’s way down my zip. At at this point, there was no going back, right? He stopped.

If we are going to continue with this, you should know something, he said.

I was getting angry at this point, I did not wait the entire weekend for this slow motion.

I don’t know how to tell you, I should have told you since but then you had me star struck.

Just say it, nothing can be that bad. I said.
I’m married and I have two kids, I should have told you since…..but I promise to take care of you. I would make sure you don’t lack anything. My marriage is not an issue.He said rushingly.

At that moment, I felt a whirlwind of emotions, but the most evident emotion was anger. Yes, I was angry. I had mapped out my life with this man already. I know how many children we would have, how we would have explosive sex on our kitchen counter. This man is definitely mad. As i started to think back to our conversation, I realised how shallow they were, I was so smitten by him and he probably knew, and he had no ring on his hands so i couldn’t have possibly known he was married. Everything started rushing back to me. I knew he was too good to be true, I just wasn’t expecting him to prove me right. My friend always says every woman has a married men phase where only married men comes to speak to you or ask you out, she was right, the only problem is that mine is lasting too long.

Heyyy…..can you hear me? I have been talking to you since, you haven’t replied. Please just see reason. I really like you, I might be married but I like you. He said defiantly. Please just think…

Shope! Shope! What is your problem? I’ve been waking you up since morning. My elder shouted at me with an irriated look on her face.

Jesus! Jesus! I said while furiously rubbing my eyes.

Wo! Better go and have your bath, mummy and daddy are angry, they are about to leave and they said if you don’t get downstairs in 10 minutes, you would trek to Ikeja. By the way, you were saying Folarin in your dream, you better calm down and don’t carry men on your head. She said.

It was a dream, it was all a dream. A Lagos man broke my heart in my dream.

The end!

Avoid Lagos Men ( Part 1)

Life can be so fucked up at times, you know you are making a bad decision and it would probably end in tears, but you go and ahead with the plan, and it does end in tears but you still don’t regret that decision, that is where my head is, at this moment.

I started working due to the ASUU strike and since the strike started, my life has been somewhat boring. Just before the strike, I had outings with my friends once in a while but then, of recent, there has been no form of excitement in my life. I literally wake up and do the same things everyday. Work has the same pattern, wake up, dress up, go to work, kill the little mental strength I am preserving, then repeat the same cycle the next day.As usual, work is always a blur with constant headaches for me. I don’t even go around carrying a bag full of optimism because they is literally nothing to be optimistic about. But today was different, I cracked a smile at work.

Afternoon came by quickly, I went to buy my usual Ofada rice. It was then I saw him from afar. See ehn, nobody can convince me God doesn’t have favourites because this man was definitely God’s favourite. Damn! God took his time to structure this man’s face and it is only his face I have seen. No wonder today has been going well, the heavens probably knew I was going to sight one of their own. As I continued with my admiration, his eyes met mine. God have mercy! I don’t like to hype men because men are wicked but I would grudgingly give this man his flowers. At that moment, I hated that I looked tired, what would he think of me? But then, he smiled at me, that should count for a win.

Hanty! “Ah ahn, I don dey call you since, you no answer, abi you no want your food again?”. The Ofada woman asked.
Emabinu, I said. This man made me forget my environment. It should have been my first red flag but you know no one leaves after one red flag.

To be honest, I was content with just admiring him from afar, but obviously, the heavens had time on their hands to entertain themselves because just as I was about to go back to work, his car came towards me. His driver got down to meet me with a note saying “ Please can I have your number, I am rushing for a meeting but I promise to give you a call”.

The audacity! Should have been red flag number 2 but this man is too fine to just go like that so I would overlook this red flag.
True to his words, he called me in the evening by 6. Truthful men>>>

Hey, Good evening.

His voice! His freaking voice. How can someone’s voice sound that good? His voice should be declared illegal because that kind of voice can cause confusion.

Hey, I couldn’t resist myself, I had to ask for your number. You are a beautiful lady.
Thank you. Would I really be a Nigerian woman if I didn’t act to be uninterested at first?🌚

I would really like to get to know you. You work at Ikeja?

Yes…..not really. I am doing my internship.
That’s nice! When do you close?

Okay, I would be there tomorrow. I have to go now. Goodnight. I promise to be there tomorrow.

Men!! Chai! How can you just leave me with that voice till tomorrow? Wickedness lies in the heart of men. Should have been the third red flag.

The next day came by so fast, I wore one of my favourite gowns because I mean business with this man, it is either we pick our marriage date or we start to select the color for our also ebi. Something must sha work.

I could care less about work. Something far important was on my head. True to his words again, he was around by 4. The way I bolted out of my office ehn, Usain Bolt couldn’t have lightened that fast. This man looked too good to be true, which should have been a red flag too but who doesn’t like good things abeg?😭

Can I drive you home? he asked.
I am always weary of entering people’s car because Lagos is not safe to say the least, but I would rather enjoy a good ride home with a hot man than have to endure the stuffy atmosphere inside Danfo, so I said yes( don’t judge me)🌚.

By the way, you never told me your name. I asked.

You never asked, he said with the corners of his mouth curling up in a smile. My name is Folarin and your name is beautiful too.

My stupid face broke into a blush. Even me, I am embarrassed on my face’s behalf.

His scent. I know this scent would forever be registered in my memory. The face, I might forget but not that scent.

He played “Naked Wire by Simi” as we were going which made me believe he did his assignment on me. He got my jam which would soon be our jam if everything goes according to plan.

See ehn, tension is really a bitch, the way it clouds the atmosphere, you can feel it but then, no one wants to address it. It is worse when it is sexual tension. It feels like the atmosphere is charged, any little slip up, hands and legs would definitely fly.

How was work? He asked. So much for trying to ease the tension.

Work was just there …..like everyday is literally the same.

I can relate to that, my days are always monochromatic.

The ride ended quickly, unfortunately. In Nigeria, when you are enjoying something, it finishes or ends quickly. Story of my life.
When would I see you next? We should go out, to any place of your choice, of course.

I can’t say for now. I would check my schedule and get back to you. I’m sure he knows I have no schedule.

He laughed. He knew I was capping 😭.

Next week then?

Tuesday, yeah?

Yes, Tuesday.

Let’s see what good tidings Tuesday would bring.

To be continued……..

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The Never Ending Struggles of Adulthood

I woke up tired today which prompted me to pray for softness.
Of recent, i’ve found myself desperately praying and hoping for softness because life is hard, sometimes, unnecessarily hard. Starting my internship during this ASUU strike has been one of the most glaring realization that i am already morphing into being a young adult, and in this little time that I have experienced a little bit of adulthood, all i can say is Adulthood is hard, if you have the opportunity to remain a child forever, i beg you, please hold on to it.

One of the things i have come to detest about adulthood is the “never unending-ness of it”. Just when you are happy Monday is over, then the sad reality that another Monday comes in the next six days washes over you. It sometimes feels like I am stuck in a wild goose chase, everything feels the same, like an unending cycle….the same dates, months, the violence in Nigeria😭. I tried explaining it to someone but she looked at me like I was losing my mind so I thought to write it here.

To be honest, the older I get, the more respect I have for parents because how?!!! Imagine working so hard all through the month, surviving this madness called Lagos, after all the struggling, at the end of the month, you finally get your reward for capitalism, then your child comes and asks for the most random thing, and you have to do what they want afterall, they didn’t ask you they wanted to come to this world.The older you get, the more the saddening reality of adulthood starts to catch up on you.

I consider myself an hardworking young woman even though my Nigerian mother thinks otherwise. The thing is, I don’t believe in putting 100% effort into a prospect with a bleak future. I would rather not waste my time, and according to Yoruba parents, that is laziness. Let me break it down into bits for you. I am a huge planner, before I embark on a certain prospect, I would have had a book listing all the pros and cons as to why that venture would be a good fit for me, but I have come to the realization that no matter how you plan as a young person in Nigeria, the atmosphere or better still, the country itself finds a way to frustrate your plans. I have found myself in this exact spot in recent times, and the fear of yet another failed business has made me put a pause to anything involving businesses, which I have realized might make me come off as lazy.

There are many things that make up my life as a young Nigerian adult. Things like friendship. Friendship ehn😂😂😭omo, that topic would have it’s own Friday newsletter because adult friendships are weird and it requires alot of efforts. What of Finances? Lol! That one too should have it’s own newsletter and I would probably title it “The Financial Struggles of a young Nigerian Woman” because the struggle is real. Then there is the hardship that comes with navigating relationships and amid all of this, you need to make enough time for yourself or else you are left behind. With Adulthood, there is literally no break. It’s like you are happy you tackled one issue, and you decided to rest in honour of tackling that issue, another problem runs up on you like it couldn’t wait to meet you.

You might be wondering why I am writing all of this today. To be honest, i am not the type that likes to complain or rant, I am more of the “it has happened, let me cry and think of what to do” kind of person. If you are going through something similar, I want you to know you are not weird and neither are you losing your mind. Adulthood comes with it’s numerous problems. At the end of the day, you just have to live with the hope that things would get better. Tomorrow is Saturday, I hope you forget all about how stressful adulthood is, and do something nice for yourself because you deserve it and also don’t forget to get your PVC, you deserve to live in a country that works.❤

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BODY DYSMORPHIA

Have you ever been in a mental space where you had this love-hate relationship with your body? Or you never really liked how your body looked? Have you ever considered that you might have Body Dysmorphia Disorder?

So, I did a little research, and according to “Google”, body dysmorphia is a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flow in appearance. When I first read this, my reaction was Google whyy😭?! I think the definition is too extreme. In simpler terms, body dysmorphia is being overly obsessed with your body image.
Truth is, we all have gone through this at some point in our lives. Some have it more evident than others. I don’t exactly know the point in my life when I became extra cautious of my body because when you’re younger,all you care about is playing with your friends, eating till you get so filled up you can barely walk, and all of a sudden you grow older,and you start looking at the mirror way too much and you start to point out your Imprefections.

Body Dysmorphia makes you doubt yourself. It’s like you wake up feeling like the best version of yourself and you sight a glimpse of yourself probably in a mirror and this obscene amount of self hate washes over you. It makes you seek reassurances from people whose opinion should not matter in the first place, you might even find your self taking genuine compliments as insults. Body dysmorphia is indeed a bitch.🤧

Personally, I think body dysmorphia has a lot to do with the rapid change in trends. When I was younger, everyone wanted to be referred to as “lepa”, it was the most fashionable thing. Every aunt then would buy weight loss pills just so they can be a tad bit skinnier. This days, it’s fashionable to be “thick in the right areas”. It’s a lot of pressure because trends change, and having to adapt to each change can be difficult especially when it concerns bodily changes and the society we live in has not made this pressure lesser in any way.

I believe it all transcends to self-love. I read an article sometime ago, the writer said“self love is expedient, and it is a must you practice self love”. In as much as I believe in that, nobody talks about how hard it can be to love yourself especially when you don’t feel confident in your skin, or when you have been conditioned to think you don’t really need to love yourself . Self love is a process, you would probably still hate yourself while going through this process but then it would be one of the biggest highlights of your life, this process would make you cut down on people and things that don’t make you feel confident and you would probably feel bad in the moment about It but you won’t regret this decision. Self love is really worth it.